recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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