u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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