i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
