new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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