He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
