They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
cat food counts as protein by the way
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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