NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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