at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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