OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
