Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Success! We fucked roommates!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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