Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
