I must be too annoying 4 u.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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