my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
