living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
