Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
