Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
