so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I had to cum in my sink.
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