i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
