She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
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