i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
