We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
