The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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