Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Well I just put wine in my tea
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
