I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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