I feel like abortions should bother me more
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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