we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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