We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
