man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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