I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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