he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Rumble strips road head = magical
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize