So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
