also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
