That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
