btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I need a hoe opinion
go on
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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