haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
