All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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