I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
