my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
