I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
