i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
