you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
