you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
