Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
