I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
