lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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