Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Randomize
