I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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