And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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