It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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