You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
