Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You need a sexual gate keeper
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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