her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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