I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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