Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
