You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
