I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
