Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I am naked and annoyed.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
