Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
