His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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