I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
