He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
so much tequila, so little girl.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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