She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
